It's Just a Date: a letter to my pre-Five in Five Charity Dating self

With 6 Five in Five Charity dates, and a handful of non-charity dates now under my belt, at the ripe age of 30... I think I'm finally starting to understand what the "dating game" is all about. 

I used to hate first dates for three reasons:

1. ...because I've been on bad ones in the past and anytime I thought of giving someone else a shot with a first date, those uncomfortable memories resurfaced and made me squirm.

2. ... because I (and all those external social factors) put too much pressure on the situation. Instead of going with the attitude of 'it's just a date' and seeing what happens, I arrived with a whole handbag of expectations (about myself, the situation, the date, and what happens next).

3 ... because I never knew what to wear.

In hindsight, the problem with my first dates was generally never the dates themselves but all of the bulls*#t I pilled on top of them. If only I had possessed this well-earned dating wisdom a decade ago.

If I could write a letter to my younger self, sharing what I now know about dating, it would read something like this...

Dear Kirsty,

You are beautiful, strong and amazing just the way you are. Nothing will change that. Not even the date that you are about to go on, which probably won't work out. In fact every date and relationship won't work out until you find one that does. This is not a bad thing. Date as much as possible to alleviate the pressure that comes from going on only one date a year. Every date is an opportunity to practice going on a date so that when you meet the right person, you won't blow it ... and there's a pretty good chance you'll meet some cool people along the way.

Let go of expectations. Not having expectations is the new black. This is not to be confused with not caring. You must care that you are on a date, but you must not care where it's all going...A date is simply an opportunity to spend time getting to know someone to see if there's a spark. Lack of spark doesn't make you any less beautiful, strong or amazing. Nor does it make them a bad person. It simply means this is not the person for you. Learn what you need to learn from this encounter then let it go.

Your happiness is the most important thing. Period. Every morning when you wake up, know that this day is a precious gift. Choose to make it wonderful. Do the things you love and be so happy doing them that when others look at you, they become happy too. This wonderful life you have created for yourself should not stop every time a potential partner comes into the mix. Live your values. Jump out of the grandstand and onto the field. Play big. Release mediocrity.  Speak your truth. Stay humble; And be kinder than expected to everyone, especially to yourself. 


Always dress modestly. There's nothing wrong with showing a bit of leg but leave as much as possible to the imagination. Dressing immodestly is not unlike rolling around in manure. Yes, you're guaranteed to get attention but it will most likely be from pigs. 

Stop thinking you are invisible. Guys notice you. They notice what you look like, they notice what you wear, they notice when you're laughing, they notice when you care about yourself. They notice when you take the time to look good and love it when you do because they know, you feel better for it too. 

Claiming your irresistibility is the key to fulfilling your potential as a woman and as a human being. It is the secret to making the impact on the world you were meant to make. Embrace your irresistibility and you hold the heart of the world. There is nothing more attractive than a girl who knows she is beautiful, having fun. Be a creature unlike any other. Allow your natural sense of confidence and radiance to permeate every cell of your being. When you do this, you are raising the benchmark for those around you.


When you really want something and you're doing everything you can to make it happen but it's not coming to fruition, the only thing you can do is let go of the result and do the work anyway.  Living for results is sure to disappoint. But if you work towards the goal and let go of the results then you open yourself to new possibilities. This applies to life and to dating. That means you have to get all dressed up and play your A-game, without caring what happens. Nothing is a waste of time when done with the right attitude.

Be yourself, tread your own path and work hard at all that you do. The right people, the ones who really belong in your life will find you. The really clever ones will ask you on a date. While dating someone is great, dating more than one someone is even better. There is no better way to determine how deep your feelings are for someone than by having something to compare it to. This is dating in the classic sense, when frisky business happened after the deal was signed, sealed and delivered. The reason more people don't actively date more than one person is because they get into relationships too quickly and have their third date in the bedroom. Take your time. Dating is the best system of eliminating people that aren't right for you and finding the one that is. Five in Five charity dating is an even better way to do this. Have fun with it. Laugh. Make memories.

Oh beautiful, strong, amazing one, it's all out there waiting for you... shine on!

With love and excitement for all that lies ahead...
from your older and slightly wiser self.

 If you need more advice, just ask some kids... they seem to have it all figured out...

If you have found this advice useful, click here:
http://my.artezpacific.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=532976&langPref=en-CA&Referrer=http%3a%2f%2ffiveinfive.org.au%2f

If you have not found this advice useful, click here:

http://my.artezpacific.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=532976&langPref=en-CA&Referrer=http%3a%2f%2ffiveinfive.org.au%2f

I am grateful for all the experiences (in life and dating) that have helped me to uncover this wisdom. Thank you to those who have read my blog, helped find dates, donated and provided dating advice along the way. My Five in Five charity dating experience may be over but I'm taking the lessons with me...

Oh and I guess you want the goss/an update:

• $325 in the donation kitty - this is $125 over goal!! Thanks peeps! (You can still donate via the link above...c'mon let's hit $400!!) 
• 6 dates successfully completed for Five in Five
• 1x second date done
• 1 more second date scheduled for next week 
• Another second date in the pipeline (well not really but you know I'm a big believer in the power of goal-setting)
• My travellator-induced injuries are almost healed thanks to some excruciating physio
• The organisers of Five in Five contacted me to say they LOVE my blog and want to pull quotes from it for future promotions... yup you could be looking at the future face of charity dating!